Love is Never Accidental

So yesterday, Dika, a friend in Infantri (ITB’s Software Engineering LINE group), said this: “Accidentally in love.” I know that this is a mere song’s title and probably just a joke; still, a well-circulated joke might grow into a social construct and, if not “corrected” quickly, may cause people to believe in the social construct itself.

So I responded this:

As much as I appreciate poetic verses, Dik, and also am a fan of Sarah and Phil’s spoken-word poetry (watch?v=mdJ6aUB2K4g), I have to argue that we can NOT be accidentally in love.

The calculation and clockwork of love is intricate and multi-layered, but that doesn’t mean we can’t model it, break it down, and observe the determining factors.

We can be immediately attracted, but can’t be accidentally in love. (Read: Sternberg’s Theory of Love.) There’s a set of internal algorithms each of us — unique for each person — use to quickly determine whether we’ll be “in love” with someone.

Take, for example, Kpop groups. I will be immediately attracted to the rapper in the group, such as Blackpink’s Jennie (watch?v=mIud9yDdCrg) or AOA’s Jimin (watch?v=7wxkpBiBRxE).

Why? Because I associate rap rythm and poetry with eloquence, eloquence with erudition, erudition with intelligence, and I highly value intelligence because I associate intelligence with resourcefulness, resourcefulness with novel problem-solving, and novel problem-solving with higher quality of life.

Often, the inability to deal accordingly with love when it arrives causes us to behave unintentionally, inefficiently, irrationally leading to mistakes and errors, harmful for ourselves and even people around us.

For the expert ones, love is a great feature implanted in our brain machinery to achieve fulfillment in life. But for many other inexperienced users, love is just an uncontrollable bug in our circuit. Still, we fall into its trap from time to time.

But one thing for sure:

Love is never accidental.

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